I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
