glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
