i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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