She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
