Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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