So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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