Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
