whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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