hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
