I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
