Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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