1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
