If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
