toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
