If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
