so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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