just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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