No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
