I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
do herpes really smell.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
