and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
