I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
