please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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