Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
