Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
