"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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