just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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