Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
