The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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