I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
