Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
