I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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