And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
