I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
