If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
