she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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