I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
