did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
