Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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