her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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