That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
