On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
