I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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