Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
