Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
