I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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