found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
