we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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