That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
