even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
