god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
