I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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