It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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