tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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