But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
