she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
