i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So. Much. Porn.
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