oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
