Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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