On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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