She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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