Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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